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Delhi Gang Rape – be sensitive, do not satisfy your ego by ‘grouping’, do something, pray!

It’s been a few days of reading about the barbaric act done by 6 vultures in a moving bus in Delhi in spite of the fact that the girl was with a male friend. While the guy tried saving the girl, the 6 barbarians beat him up as well. Nobody has the courage to go into the details of what was done to the girl as just a thought of it sends an excruciating pain down the spine, think about someone who actually had to go through it. The entire country is doing their bit praying for the girl’s wellness and putting their bit to bring some reforms in the society, be it by writing, reading, going on a march, joining a protest and above all feeling for the cause. Cynics will always shout at whatever you do and point out an alternative that you could have done but did not do, their entire self-confidence comes from making other people feel guilty that they’re not doing enough but they themselves will do nothing at all for the cause except blaming everyone else they did not do enough. Chuck the cynics, I think everyone except them have felt the pain, felt disgusted and in their own small or big way put in an effort to bring about a change.

I’ve lived in Delhi for almost a decade and even done my 4 years engineering from IIT Delhi which is in Hauz Khas, South Delhi – the incident happened in South Delhi and since I’ve lived there, this  brings images of the roads there and the buses running and something happening inside them, cannot even begin to imagine that this actually happened. After I passed out, I used to live in Kalkaji, again in South Delhi, before permanently shifting to Andheri, Mumbai in Feb this year. In fact, I’ve lived in 5 states for few months (6 at least) or a few years – Jharkhand, West Bengal, Bihar, Delhi and Maharashtra. Every state has some things which is much better than the other state and some things that are much worse than the other. It is with extreme shame that I tell that there are many people who take so much pride and share so much happiness if something bad happens in some state in his/her own country. I found many people on bbm, abusing Delhi for being the rape capital of the country; some people were happy that their families don’t live there. Delhites strongly protested this and started talking bad about Mumbai. Then when one of the accused was caught from Bihar, Delhites started blaming it on Biharis. Two accused were caught from UP and Bihairs started accusing UPites. Just 2min back, I got a bbm text by a guy that “Dear Delhi, you might be having large lanes, huge roads, less traffic….but at least we respect women and they’re safe here. Regards, Mumbai”. Where is any concern for the girl who’s suffering, the topic is entirely turned towards proving that you’re better just because you belong a particular place which did not face such incident. The point is not that you’re accusing and abusing an entire state but the point is that you’re not even an iota concerned about the barbaric rape of the poor girl, you are just using this opportunity to satisfy your ego by putting down some state’s people, hence, proving in your tiny loser’s mind that you’re bigger and better.

And then there are some girls who used this as an opportunity to prove the sick opinion of all men being bastards. Sorry for being rude but if all men are bastards, your father is a bastard and you are daughter of a bastard. Perfectly logical but every such girls’ fathers and brothers are exceptions to the bastard rule. If being a chauvinist is sick, how can being a feminist be fine, ‘principally’ both are the same –  you need to respect every gender not just your own. If you cannot respect men how can you expect the same from them. By hating the sick and illogical guys who disrespect all girls, haven’t you become exactly sick and illogical like them by disrespecting all guys? And can’t you see that there was a guy with the girl who tried whatever he could to protect her. Well, why am I reasoning on such insensitive approach towards an entire gender? I should just shake my head and pray that they get some wisdom in their distorted minds.

Whenever something bad happens, we try to group the accused in some way or other to a group in which we do not belong and then blame the group and feel good about ourselves and then we leave the fight for the main issue. So when you live in a housing society, you take pride that something bad happened in another society; when something sick happens in another district, you’re happy blaming that district because you’re in better one; when something pathetic happens in some state, you feel that high abusing that state and when something sickening happens in another country, you take pride of your Indian culture and have no feeling for the bad that happened there. Most of the times the group is made out of caste, religion, gender and what not. But we’re just not ready to focus on the issue.

At the cost of sounding theoretical, I would like to say that we are all human beings, God did not create countries, districts, states, religions or any such thing. Yes, grouping is fine if it helps facilitate advancement and management in some way or other but belittling other ‘groups’ is just so mean. Every great man or woman who has walked this planet had pride on his/her ‘group’, whatever be it, but was also ‘above’ that group and loved the entire humanity irrespective of groups. Yes, we all create groups, commit mistakes, small or big, but then the best thing is to understand, repent and then mend our ways. However, when such acts happen which shakes the entire nation, can we not be concerned about groups “Men”, “Delhites”, Biharis”, “UPites” and be concerned about the issue. And do not forget that you’ll yourself one day fall into this ‘group trap’ when you’re on the other side of the table, may be then you’ll learn to appreciate the fatality of the dumb and selfish theory of grouping. And if we still want to group, there are only 2 groups that we should form – good and evil!

The fight should be between “good” and “evil”. Lord Rama fought for the ‘good’ and against the ‘evil’, he didn’t fight against a group which worships Lord Shiva instead of Lord Vishnu or a Sri Lankan versus an Ayodhian. Can we just fight for the ‘good’ and against the ‘evil’? The ‘good’ here is that we need to instill in minds of the people in the society to respect each other; women should also be taught, we all know that many bahus are burnt by mother-in-laws who don’t rape only and only because they can’t otherwise they would have. So respect is to be learnt by everyone, not just by men and respect should be for everyone not just for women, it’s impossible to compartmentalize respect only for a particular group, doesn’t work like that. Also, the country’s laws need to be stricter for rape cases because there will always be some people who have sick minds and the only deterrent can be fear and nothing else. You cannot teach a vulture to respect a saint’s body, it will eat all of it. I’m not just talking about respecting girls but respecting people in general because it’s just not possible that you seriously hate men and respect girls, that doesn’t happen. If you’re a hater that will come today or tomorrow in every area of your life. Somebody rightly said – “Do not hate, not even the bad” because “You become what you hate”. Easy said than done, absolutely agree, but at least have the ‘basic’ respect for each other. Sant Kabir rightly said – “पोथी पढ़ी-पढ़ी  जग  मुआ, पंडित भया  ना  कोय, ढाई आखर प्रेम के, पढ़े सो पंडित होए”. That’s probably the wholesome approach towards such incidents – spreading love, loving human beings irrespective of ‘groups’ and teaching kids to love and respect humanity as a whole because a wholesome change can only occur through kids via teachings at schools, homes and societies.

My eldest sister lives in Gurgaon with her husband and a cute little daughter. My Uncle passed away last year in an accident and my aunt also lives in Gurgaon with her cute son and very intelligent daughter who studies in XIth and dreams of cracking IIT. My Phua lives with Phuphaji and two sons in Noida. My Chacha-Chachi with her son lives in Janakpuri and many cousins, relatives and closest of friends with their families live in Delhi/NCR. I’m concerned about such incidents happening so regularly in Delhi but that doesn’t mean if tomorrow such barbaric acts happen in Assam or Baghdad, I will not feel sensitive about the issue and satisfy my ego by saying that I belong to a better state/country or be shamelessly insensitive and selfish by saying that I hate that place and am happy none of MY friends or relatives live there. Let us have some respect for the humanity as a whole for both men and women and let us educate people. Though there are exceptions, but generally uneducated people commit these heinous crimes and for sure, they have had hardly any female friends ever. Even if education is less, it’s very important to befriend females so that you understand that girls are more than mere bodies. If you do not interact, you do not know and you’ve your own imaginary notion and lack of respect for girls. Everyone has a mother but somehow that isn’t enough. Let us fight against ‘evil’ not against some ‘group’ be it based on gender or state and let us promote the ‘good’ by educating people, influencing people around us with respect to regards for each other.

For the last few days, I have been reading about the case and when I got a message that the girl died, it felt as if somebody took my heartbeat away. I’m sure everybody felt the same. When I read that it was a rumor and that she was still alive and fighting, it felt as if some close friend who died had come back. We all must have had tears in our eyes, anger in our mind for the incident and we are all praying for the girl to survive and come out of the physical and mental torture that was inflicted upon her. Prayers are very powerful. Since childhood my father used to say – “Pehle ke zamane mein ek rishi aashirvaad ya shaap de dete the to ho jaata tha lekin aaj itne pahuchelog nahin hote, lekin agar bahut saare log achcha ya bura soche tumhare baare mein to wo ho jaata hai”. Incidentally, a few days back when I was chatting with my parents on Skype while they were in Houston spending their time at my elder and my favorite sister’s house with their favorite damaad, a dabangg granddaughter and shy grandson, he repeated the same statement with the same conviction. Beyond any doubt, I believe, this to be true. Apart from doing our bit in a small or a big way, apart from fighting for a strict law against rape, and apart from respecting every other human being for doing whatever he/she is doing howsoever small, let us pray for the girl. Let us spend few minutes closing our eyes, seeing her in the hospital recovering from the physical and mental abuse! The doctors have reported that they’re shocked seeing her indomitable fighting spirit and hope that she’ll recover soon. Let’s add power to her fight by praying from deep within our heart. May the power be with her and with all of us, stay blessed!

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